Thursday, February 21, 2013

Big Ten Power Rankings (2/21/13)

Big Ten Power Rankings (2/21/2013)

1) Indiana 24-3 (12-2): I swear only 3 teams could have won at the Breslin Center on Tuesday: Indiana, the 96’ Chicago Bulls, and the Monstars from Space Jam.   Two 90’s references in one sentence?  Let’s make it a theme! 

With regards to Indiana’s team, they are such a complete unit.  Victor Oladipo is the best player in the country, Zeller is a great big man, and they are shooting 42.8% from 3.  Yep…42.8%.  There are a ton of teams in the country without a single player shooting it at that high of a clip.  You could say they are as hot as Pamela Anderson in her prime. 

Previous ranking: 1

2) Michigan State 22-5 (11-3): I really believe the two best teams in the country played each other on Tuesday, and no, I am not talking about the epic women’s basketball battle between SE Louisiana and McNeese State.  In all seriousness, that game was better than an episode of Salute Your Shorts.

The reasons I think these are the two best teams involve their offensive skill inside and out, and their ability to defend every position.  While Indiana is the more prolific offensive team, Michigan State has elite defensive potential.  Right now, IU is the better overall team, but I am not so sure that will be the case in March. 

The last I heard, Tom Izzo was a pretty good coach.  Damn that was a good Trey Wingo impression. 

Previous ranking: 3

3) Michigan 22-4 (9-4): Really nothing new to say regarding Michigan.  They shoot the ball extremely well, Trey Burke is a top 2-3 player in the country, they have no low post scoring, and they are an above average defensive and rebounding team.  Michigan sort of reminds me of the movie Clueless.  I hate admitting that movie was awesome, but it was and I currently own the DVD.  Maybe I should work on getting an Eso Akunne autographed jersey. 

Previous ranking: 2

4) Wisconsin 19-8 (10-4): Wisconsin hasn’t finished outside the top 4 in the Big Ten since Bo Ryan took over.  That is a streak I thought for sure was going to end this season, especially after UW’s disappointing non-conference slate.  In my not-so-humble opinion, there are two reasons for their success in the B1G:

A) They are fucking Wisconsin (I just remembered I promised a ton of vulgarity in this entry) and they always do this

B) They have had arguably the easiest conference schedule, with only one game apiece against IU and Michigan

Looking at their squad, while Traevon Jackson seems like a bigger douche than Roger Klotz, he has been they steady point guard the team needed.  The rest of the roster has been solid all year, but the solidification of that spot has helped tremendously. 

Previous ranking: 5

5) Ohio State 19-7 (9-5): I really do not know what to make of this team.  One game they are getting blown out by an above-average team, the next they are looking like a top-10 team against the likes of Michigan (That was an outstanding Dick Vitale/Jay Williams impression, btw.  Speaking of, have you ever heard someone say the phrase “the likes of” besides Dick Vitale?  Personally, I haven’t until Jay Williams started saying it recently.  Out of all of the analysts out there, why in the hell would you copy something off of fucking Dick Vitale?  100% of that guy’s basketball knowledge is derived from who was/was not a McDonalds All-American.  Holy Nick at Nite that was a lot of words inside a parenthesis). 

Back to the Buckeyes, I think they will win 3 out of their last 4 with victories over MSU, Illinois and @Northwestern. 

Previous ranking: 4

6) Illinois 19-8 (6-7): This is about the time every 2 weeks where I think, “Fuck, I still have to write about 7 more teams.  I wish Sabrina the Teenage Witch could help me out.” 

Anyway, looking at Illinois, I am glad to see they are finally playing well.  They have gone from likely missing the tournament to almost assuredly making the field in the past two weeks.  One on hand, they are the type of team where their outside shooting could get them far in the tournament.  On the other hand, they could easily go cold and lose to Buckwheat Tech University. 

Previous ranking: 10

7) Iowa 17-9 (6-7): Iowa is another team that I think has played themselves into the field of 68 (Is it still 68, or did those fucks change it again?).  They have solid Big Ten wins over Wisconsin and Minnesota, and I really think they will win 4 out of their last 5 and finish at 10-8.  Regardless, I am genuinely happy to see Iowa do well because Fran McCaffrey likes his teams to push the tempo.  The Big Ten needs more coaches like this, so it’s good to see he’ll keep his job for a while. 

Previous ranking: 7

8) Minnesota 18-9 (6-8): What the hell, Minnesota?  I put my faith in you and this is what I get?  You broke my heart worse than when Corey broke Topanga’s by kissing Lauren in season 5 episode 14. 

Minnesota, I will say this once and only once.  We are done, and I don’t want you texting me or retweeting my hilarious hashtags anymore.  #tubbysmithenjoysburrowing

Shit, I almost forgot to post this video.  

Previous ranking: 8

9) Purdue 12-14 (5-8): Rough year for the Boilermakers.  It can’t be easy to watch Gary Harris ball on everyone’s faces, or to see Indiana rise to the top of the country.  With regards to their team, I don’t know if their players just suck, or if opposing teams have figured out Matt Painter’s extreme ball-pressure defense.  Right now, I am leaning towards the former. 

Previous ranking: 9

10) Northwestern 13-14 (4-10): Northwestern has shown flashes of being a solid team.  They beat Illinois and Minnesota, they Mike Tyson’d Purdue, and they lead OSU on the road with 3 or 4 minutes left.  However, Northwestern has also had games where they performed like dial-up internet.  Another tough year for the cats. 

Previous ranking: 8

11) Nebraska 12-14 (3-10): It is really crazy how big the drop-off is between teams 1-8 and 9-12.  1 through 8 could all make a sweet 16, while teams 9 through 12 couldn’t beat Aaron Carter.  Well, Nebraska is one of those too-shitty-to-comprehend teams.

Since you won’t learn anything new about the Cornhuskers in this blog, I will use Nebraska’s slot to deliver a fact you might not know:

You are more likely to die on your way to buy a lottery ticket than you are to actually win the lottery.

At least you learned something. 

Previous ranking: 11

12) Penn State 8-17 (0-13): Zero wins in the conference, and they probably won’t get one this year.  This is tragic because I thought their program was really turning the corner.  If you can’t tell that last sentence was a joke, your intelligence probably matches Tommy Callahan’s. 

Previous ranking: 12

I was debating on whether or not to use a shit-ton of links this entry, and ultimately decided that my audience is too stupid to survive without them.  Congrats, everyone. 

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